The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
