Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
