Only a mothe r could love this liver
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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