I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
