Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
