if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
