Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
