Just fell off a train. Bad.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
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