Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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