im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
