even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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