I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
