Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
