It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
