jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We were destined to go to rehab together
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
