Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
