Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
