Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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