spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
