Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
