He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i out mim tonsoeep
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