Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
