ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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