Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
