you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I can't put those talents on a resume
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize