Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
