Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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