note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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