OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
