why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
