I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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