"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
