i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
