i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
