I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
