JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
