Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My vagina just clenched in fear
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
