He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
