my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
