The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
