Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Four minutes until I can fart!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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