you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
