even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
