every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
being pregnant is like rehab
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
