I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
