Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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