I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
