Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
