I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
