If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
