Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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